LILLY WHO?

Hi Reader! 

I've been so busy redecorating the old casa that I have forgotten to blog.  Oh dear...

Let's remedy that!

With my head stuck in a paint can this past weekend I missed the chance to run a muck through the aisles of Target during one of their infamous designer collaboration on-sales.  Designers past include none other than Missoni, Phillip Lim and the OH-SO-FAB Neiman Marcus collection.  There is nothing, NOTHING, I enjoy more than waking up early on the weekend to go shopping.  If you think I'm joking, you don't know me very well.  Or at all.  You can stop reading now.  Go.  No seriously, move along... we're done.

So... What did I miss?

LILLY PULITZER for Target

Who the hell is Lilly Pulitzer?  
I breathe a huge sigh of relief because if I missed HERMES for Target you would NEVER hear the end of it.  EVER.

Does anyone else feel like this is on the set of a HORROR MOVIE?  Just me? 

No, seriously... Who the hell is Lilly Pulitzer? 
I immediately search Google for any sort of recognition.

But being depressed means that I can wear BLACK all the time and look super chic!

OH.  

R.I.P Lilly.

It is a good thing that I am not into decorating or wearing super sweet, candy colored, Easter Sunday, poppy, preppy, beachy resort-wear prints.  I'm not a fun-feminine print hater per se, but Ms. P's designs are definitely NOT my style.

And as for eBay? 

Let them have it!  I would have felt super guilty buying all of that pink and green nonsense only to make a few dollars.  The truth is that Karma would have stepped in and I would have ended up with a spare bedroom that looked like it was cast out of the Legally Blonde goes to Hawaii sequel.   

Who wants to have a slumber party???  NO ONE.

J'adore Those Earrings

My latest obsession is not with a handbag, but with jewelry!

It was earlier this afternoon when I stumbled upon this picture of J-Law on Facebook.  I honestly don't remember what the story was concerning - maybe it was regarding her on-again, off-again love affair with that sappy Brit who used to be married to Princess GOOP - I don't care... 

LOOK AT THOSE EARRINGS!!!

There are not one, but TWO pearls on each ear.  The smaller stud rests on the earlobe while the larger pearl peeks from behind.  A little tribal, A LOT CHIC!  

I WANT THEM!!!

The DIOR version of the earrings are highly sought after and are difficult to come by.  They also retail for $290.00 which isn't exactly fast-fashion budget friendly.  Good thing that every jewelry maker from Forever 21 to Neiman Marcus has jumped on this double sided bandwagon!  

Let's shop!

At the low end of the spectrum (the VERY low end... the ALMOST FREE end of the spectrum) is none other than - you guessed it - eBay.  I was able to find the style for $0.99 with free shipping.  So for less than 50 cents an ear you can rock a pair of these trendy studs.  You can also guarantee that one or both of your lobes might turn green and later fall off... but HEY, YOU LOOKED GOOD.  Well, you used to.

Don't do it... Unless you enjoy visits to the ER - then go ahead and buy 4 pairs.

 Personally, I can't wear earrings that are sold for $0.99.  Not because I don't want to (Just kidding... I DON'T WANT TO.  Loosen the purse strings people!) but because I have allergic reactions to the metal.  From a very young age I learned that inexpensive earrings made my earlobes itchy, red and crusty looking - that is NOT chic.  Now I stick with GOLD and SILVER and my earlobes and self-esteem look great!

The best deal I've found so far is that from ROSS-SIMONS.  Ross-Simons is an online jeweler carrying a large selection of fine jewelry at great prices!  Oftentimes they will offer coupons ON-SITE which means no hunting around the internet for promo codes.  Thanks R-S!

The Black Shell Pearl Double Sided Earrings caught my eye because they give off that same Jennifer Lawrence cool girl vibe without (LITERALLY) making my ears bleed.  No crusty lobes here... and that's in part to the 14kt gold posts.  HOORAY!!!

The earrings are value priced at $99.95 with FREE SHIPPING.  And what would the internet be without tax-free shopping?  It's a wonderful thing.

You can buy them for me in every color here:

http://www.ross-simons.com/jewelry/earrings/front-back/navigate.jsp

What's that smell? MEDIOCRITY.

The world of handbag flipping is getting rough.

When I started selling last year, I was in possession of fine, albeit used, designer handbags.  CHANEL.  BOTTEGA VENETA. YSL.  All of my bags spoke of nothing but history and status.  I could easily walk down the street wearing any one of them and someone was sure to think "Where did that bitch get the money to pay for that fabulous purse?!?!"  Envy.  I love it.

This little thing?  It's nothing, really.

Today, the resale sites are many and the number of bags to choose from is staggering.

• SHOP-HERS
• The Real Real
• Yoogi's Closet
• Bag Borrow or Steal
• Threadflip
• Tradesy
• Snobswap
• Vaunte
• Bib + Tuck

Store your damn purse in its DUST BAG!

These are just a few of the website's that I frequent.  Searching for deals used to be easy!  But now... Now there are countless shopping options!  And what about additional discounts?  Who has a coupon code today?  Which ones offer free shipping?  What is each company's authenticity guarantee and return policy?  I need a NAP!

I've also started to notice that the growth of the handbag resale market has brought in an influx of mediocrity! (Yes, I just used INFLUX in a sentence. Influx: the arrival or entry of large numbers of people or things.  Go ahead, impress your friends by using it in a sentence later today.  You are now SMART and GORGEOUS.  You're welcome.)

While it is true that one woman's Michael Kors bag may be another woman's GIVENCHY tote - not all handbags are created equal.  I miss the days of not having to sort through 50 Kate Spade satchels in order to find a great vintage pouchette from FENDI.

Candy colored copy cats.  MEOW.

Now, now... Before one of you sends me a piece of HATE MAIL because I just called your Kate Spade handbag mediocre, chill out and let me explain what I mean. (MEDIOCRE meaning of only moderate quality; not very good.  Again, you're welcome.)

This is actually pretty funny.  Those crazy Germans! 

wemakethecake.com

Brands like Kate Spade and Michael Kors, Tory Burch and COACH all make nice handbags but they are not to be confused with LUXURY HANDBAGS.  Kate, Mike and Tory can all be found hanging out at a better department store, like NORDSTROM  for about $300.00.  Sometimes they even go on sale!  If you gifted me a striped Kate Spade Nylon Leslie Tote (as seen here,  HEY READER... BUY ME THIS. THANKS! for only $254.99) I would NOT turn it down.  I would just have a difficult time reselling it.

Keep on dreaming, Tory!  You'll get out of the outlet mall someday.

Luxury handbags, or INVESTMENT HANDBAGS are typically made of fine materials, constructed to last a lifetime and hold their value.  Buy a purse from CHANEL or HERMES (wow Reader, did you recently get a raise at work?  Bitch.) and you will be able to sell that handbag at a later date for pretty close, if not MORE than what you paid for it.  You will also notice that investment handbags are rarely, (let's just say NEVER) sold at a department store and NEVER go on sale.  Why is that?  Because it brings down the status of the brand!

You just paid full price!  Can we be friends?

Since we cannot find our Hermes or CHANEL shoulder bags ON SALE we must be creative with our shopping strategy.  This is why we shop at secondhand stores or CONSIGNMENT SHOPS.  Other than sneaking that vintage VUITTON out of Grandma's attic, consignment stores are the only way to obtain a luxuriously lovely LANVIN at a discounted price.

Now, get out there!  Start looking for a bargain.  And someone buy me that striped tote! 
There's only 3 left. 

   

HEY, That's my bag!

The YSL Muse handbag and I weren't together for very long - in fact I never even took it outside.  Upon the bag's arrival I noticed that the wire used the hold the shape of the base was puncturing out of the leather.  The handles were flimsy. And the overall color was a little too vanilla for my taste.  Get it, VANILLA... because it's WHITE.  

Oh no, that looks like an expensive repair.

Even though I didn't pay anything for THE MUSE, I wasn't about to let it go at bargain basement pricing.  I posted the bag on one of my new favorite resale shopping websites, BIB + TUCK to see if I could attract a buyer.  The purse was listed at $310.00, which included the shipping cost for the buyer.  Free shipping... super considerate, right?  It sold within the hour.  Was $310.00 too cheap?  Probably.  But after paying out the commission to BIB + TUCK I made a quick $250.00.  $250.00 in my purse after selling a purse that I paid $0.00 for... 

I'm not a mathematician but I would say that I did pretty well.

SOLD!  Boom.

 The very next week to my surprise I spotted the VERY SAME BAG on another resale website, SHOP-HERS.  "How do you know that was the same bag crazy lady?" Because... 

OF THIS

If you view the listing on SHOP-HERS below you will see that her selling price is HIGHER than mine, yet the bag's description is severely lacking.  Wow, aren't you in a rush to sell!

   

That wire looks familiar!  HEY, IT'S MY BAG!

 So, this woman is currently trying to sell THE MUSE for $429.00.  Sneaky!  Am I bitter?  NO! In fact, I laugh!  I laugh because she used MY PICTURES.  I laugh because she did not even take five minutes to write a proper description of THE MUSE.  And I laugh because her attempt at making a profit is futile.  "Why?" I'll tell you.  This flipper did not consider selling price minus commission pay-out and shipping expense. 

I will do the math for you now because I'm a snot.  

I can't help it.  It's fun.

SOLD for $429.00!

Oh, but she has to pay the website's seller fee

- 18% SHOP-HERS commission...  $351.78

And what's that?  

SHOP-HERS requires sellers to pay for the shipment of the handbag to their headquarters for authentication.  THE PACKAGE MUST HAVE A TRACKING NUMBER TOO.

- USPS Shipping fees 

We'll assume that she went the cheap route and paid about $8.00

The cost for a tracking number is $1.80

$351.78 - $8.00 - $1.80 ... $341.98

- The cost of the handbag 

Let's not forget that she bought the bag from ME

$341.98 - $310.00... $31.98

HER SICK PROFIT....

$31.98

All of that "work" for a profit of pennies under $32.00.

REALLY?

She would have made more at a Garage Sale.

And she hasn't even sold the bag yet!  

Personally, I feel that she should have kept the handbag.  I'd hoped that THE MUSE was going to a stylish woman who needed a big white purse to compensate for all of the chic black outfits hanging in her closet.  Unfortunately, it went to someone who can't do math. 

FAREWELL MUSE!

(MAYBE WE'LL MEET AGAIN)

Duck. Duck. Boots.

My first blog of 2015 involved a teaser.  

I mentioned that I recently scored a FREE (Yes, FREE)  

YSL Muse Satchel. 

Did I win a contest?  Had I started shop-lifting?  Did I meet a Sugar Daddy over the holidays?

No. No.  And sadly, no.

I present to you...

HOW TO SCORE A FREE DESIGNER HANDBAG

By: Lady BalenciAGAIN, Shopper Extraordinaire

Step 1.

READ.

Do you know how to read?  You're here so I'm going to assume that the answer is "Yes."

Great, now go read up on the latest trends, hottest items and lust worthy fashion.  

Pay attention!!! I can sense that you are bored already.

Shortly prior to the holidays I read an article about how LL BEAN'S "duck boots" were going to be the next hot fashion trend in women's winter footwear.  I quickly signed on to the brand's website and discovered that said boots were back-ordered until APRIL of 2015.  (Is there even snow in April?)

Step 2.

DUST OFF YOUR PAYPAL ACCOUNT AND HEAD OVER TO EBAY.

"eBay?  This is 2015 not 1998!"  

Trust me.  eBay allows for some scary no-good people to sell on their website, but with the proper knowledge you can find legitimate sellers.  

Step 3.

START BUYING

STOP. 

Even though I just told you to start buying shit on eBay, I haven't told you what to buy yet.  So hopefully you didn't just waist all of your pennies on that totally authentic thingamajig signed by you-know-who.  

$10.00 to ship a pickle?  That's just insane!

You need to find the item(s) that you read about earlier.  What's that one thing that all of the cool kids HAVE TO HAVE this very second!  Find it.  Then buy it.  Buy three while you're at it.

STOP. 

Hey there Smartie-pants, did you remember to ask the seller for a discount?  "No."  Dumb-ass.  

It is grossly unknown but a complete fact that you can ask an eBay seller for a discount.  I know that my selling prices on eBay are overinflated to compensate for fees and shipping.  So ask away!  What is the worst they can say? 

As you can see, the retail price of the BACKORDERED Bean Boots by LL BEAN is $109.00.  This means that I needed to go onto eBay and find someone who was willing to sell me the boots for as close to that price as possible.  I feel like I'm a contestant on THE PRICE IS RIGHT.

Step 4.

WAIT  

Now that you have your coveted items, you kind of want to sell them on eBay right away, right?  WRONG!  You have to wait it out.  WAIT IT OUT!!! Most eBay auctions end after 7 days.  Let the other sellers get rid of their items and then list yours afterwards.  The demand will still be there, however, the selection will be far fewer which means MO MONEY (MO PROBLEMS) for you.  

"$360.00!!!  Who the hell sold those boots on eBay for $360.00?" Umm, I'm sure she's a really nice person with a really killer handbag collection.

Step 5. 

REPEAT

Did you buy more than one of that super hot, in demand item?  GREAT!  Just don't sell them all at the same time... always leave the buyers wanting more.

Step 6.

CASH-OUT

After paying eBay the dreaded seller fees, you should have some money to spend on a fierce designer handbag.  Now before you run off and buy a full priced Fendi remember what I taught you.  Always ask for a discount!  And why not buy it used?  Who cares if it smells... throw a pine scented tree on it for added flair.

Please join me for my next blog... 

HEY THAT'S MY BAG!!! 

The story of how I found a handbag flipper, flipping my flipped bag.  

It should be a flipping-good read.   

PAINT IT BLACK (or grey) - AFTER

It has been about one month since I sent the duo on their trip to New York.  Are you ready for the results???  I'm sure the anticipation is just killing you.

Ta-da!  A Black Bag.

"Wait, wasn't the bag supposed to be dyed grey?"  Yes, it was supposed to be dyed to match the color ANTHRACITE.  However, after consulting with the fine people at LEATHER SPA it was decided that black dye would be a far better option for covering all of the flaws.  Believe me, there were A LOT of problems with this bag.

Regardless, the newly dyed black B is awesome!  She is fresh and clean and I feel like I own a completely different bag.  I no longer have to worry about color transfer from my jeans and her new darker hue will compliment every outfit.  Well done Leather Spa! 

B'Wallet looks great too!  She now shows far fewer signs of dirt and is still as soft as the day I bought her in Vegas.

Paint it BLACK (or grey) - BEFORE

Fans of my blog and all too well aware of the bag that started it all...

The Mangue Yellow Balenciaga Part Time Bag

This bag has been everywhere!  It has been sold via consignment and via eBay and returned to me BOTH TIMES!  I've carried it to London, New York, Milwaukee and every which neighborhood in Chicago.  It has been thrown on the floor, chewed on by cats, sat on, beat up and I STILL LOVE IT!

B, You are disgusting but I still love you.

Last year I purchased my yellow B bag BRAND NEW as a Christmas present to myself.  I paid FULL PRICE for it from an actual store - Can you imagine???  What the hell was I thinking?  

Fast forward to 2015...

Wow this purse does not look so hot!  What happened?  LIFE.  That's what.  And part of me thinks "B and I have had awesome times.  Who cares if she looks a bit grungy? She is pure ROCK AND ROLL!!!!!" 

The other part of me says...

SHE NEEDS A MAKEOVER!  
NOW!

 If "EW" was a color, this would be it.  EW.

B is going on an all expenses paid vacation to the spa. CHANEL had a great time there and she looks about 40 years younger. I have decided that it would be better for her if she becomes a completely different color.  Seeing as how CHANEL is a similar shade of yellow, I feel that B is being overshadowed.  A fresh new color for the new year will definitely bring her more attention.  Her new color will be ANTHRACITE.  Doesn't that sound fabu?  Anthracite is Balenciaga's shade that is more black than grey but not black.  Very dark grey.  I've chosen that color for B because it will show far less dirt and wear.  We are both very happy about this decision. 

New York City is a long trip to take by yourself so I'm sending B'Wallet along with B.  B'Wallet just needs a cleaning but she will make for a excellent flying companion.  Give her a few drinks and she tells the best stories!  Away we go!

B'Wallet BEFORE her cleaning.