Surprise! The roulette wheel of online shopping...

Once a year the kitschy, retro inspired online clothing company MODCLOTH does a surprise sale. What the heck is a surprise sale? You tell me. 

Bust out your number 2 pencils because it's...

POP QUIZ TIME!

Question 1.

The Modcloth Surprise Sale is:

A: The chance to get everything on the website for FREE! Load your cart up quickly because when it's gone, it's gone!

B: An extra discount in the form of a coupon code. Use the code HIPSTER for an additional 75% off!

C: A $10.00 sale.  You pay Modcloth $10.00 and they will send you a surprise article of clothing in your size.

D. A charitable donation. You pay Modcloth $25.00 and the money goes to a good cause.  In return, you get a "I Heart Modcloth" t-shirt.

And the answer is...

C

If you answered,  C. Then good for you! You are one smart cookie.  If you answered A, B or D... well, better luck next time.

Before I show you what I got in today's mail, I will tell you about last year's experience. It was bad.  Really bad.  So bad that not even Lena Dunham would wear the atrocities that were sent to me.  I don't remember exactly what I received but I do recall ditsy floral prints.   Eww. NO.  HELL NO. And no refunds or exchanges either.  Gross.

The "clothes so bad I wouldn't even wear them on Halloween" items ended up on eBay. I think I broke even.  I don't remember.  Maybe I paid someone to take them.  No recollection.

Fast forward to last week... 

I've decided to give the surprise sale another chance! Why? Because I'm a insane gambling woman!

The surprise arrived today!  I took a deep breath, prayed for a lack of floral prints and had at that box with a scissors.

Pleeease don't be ugly!
Pleeease don't be ugly!

Here's what I got:

Supa-dupa cute rubber heels!  Wait, what?  4" PEEP TOE PUMPS done in RED RUBBER.  You know, for those rainy days when a wellie just won't do or for bondage night at your local scary ass watering hole.  Okay, these are a little much for me but the plus side is that the retail on these babies is close to $75.00 and they're currently in stores!  Awesome!  You bad-ass shoes are going on eBay!

A green blouse with black enamel FLORAL buttons.  Thank God that's the only floral that ended up in my surprise box!  The shirt is made of POLY - a fabric that I almost never include in my wardrobe - but with a cute belt and a cardy (as shown) it could work.

Last but not least, a faux wrap dress done in a cute green hounds-tooth pattern.  The length is a little strange but overall it is a flattering design.  Again, it is done in POLY (heh!) but for $10.00 I can't expect cashmere.

MORAL OF THIS STORY:

I don't know!

1 out of 2 times ain't bad?  

You have a 50-50 shot at getting something crappy for $10.00?

Hey, if you've got the extra Hamilton lying around, WHY NOT?  It's fun getting weird stuff in the mail.  And if it's not for you, some bizarre person may give you $20.00 for it. 

A special thanks to my model.  The lack of gluten in ye diet has made your ankles and bust incredibly photogenic.  XOXO

This is how I wear a stilleto

Back in the day, (once upon a time is so overused) Miss Karla wore heels. Lots of them! Friday night drinks? Black Heels. Shopping with friends? Leopard Heels. Off hours clean up at the coffee shop she worked for?  Red Heels. No, really. It happened. I am so sorry that there is no photographic evidence of that event!

OMG, Shoes!

Today I opt for a more sensible shoe.  If I am feeling a bit more ferocious I may throw on a wedge. 

Watch out!  RAWR!

Last week, however,  I decided to return to the stilleto.  I'm not quite sure what the height is... 6, maybe 8 inches tall.  The color is a sumptuous shade of grey. And the best part - it's Louboutin!

"Karla,  have you lost your damn mind?!?!"

"There's no way you are going anywhere in 6-8 inch heels?"

"Who is going to pay for your rhinoplasty after you break your face?"

NO SHOES WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS PHOTO

And ewww, girl!  Pedicure time.

HUH?

Oh, no no no NOT shoes!

NAIL POLISH!

Ah nail polish, my first love.  Long before my sick awesome obsession with purses, it was all about the paint.  Every color, shade, hue - light, dark, high gloss and matte. I have them all.  Well, not all but definitely more than most sane people.  Here's a few...

Don't call A&E on me. 

Cue "Intervention" music...

The day I read that none other than CHRISTIAN LOUBOUTIN would be debuting a collection of polishes I immediately stopped breathing was instantly intrigued.  His first polish was to be released as a limited edition color with a slightly taller bottle in his signature bright red sole shade.

Come to mama!

Ooooh... I want it!  

But then I remembered that my manicurist isn't too keen on the idea of red polish on my fingernails.  Haters ruin everything, don't they?  Let's peruse the collection...

Don't lose my address, Santa!

Luckily for me, there were more shades to choose from! I decided on a shade of grey called DAFFODILE.

"Karla, isn't a daffodile a YELLOW flower?"

"Is Louboutin stupid?"

"Hey, that plant isn't yellow either!  And it looks plastic!" 

Shut up.

No.  It's not DAFFODIL, like the flower - it's DAFFODILE, like his iconic shoe. 

You know the one. Here, I'll shoe show you.

If it's good enough for Bey, it's good enough for Mey me.

Ohhhh...

Yep. 

Fashionably educational reading brought to you by BalenciagAGAIN.  Go impress someone with your Louboutin shoe knowledge later.  Or better yet, make it interesting and put some money on it! 

Say... $50.00. 

"I bet I can tell you the designer and style name of that Posh's shoes?"

Is anyone REALLY looking at her shoes right now?

Hey BECKS, HEY!

Then go buy yourself something nice and glossy.  Just not my shade.  It's signature!

TRADESY, I hope you Google this!

TRADESY is another resale marketplace in the likes of Threadflip, Shop-Hers and Vaunte.  Why did I just mention Vaunte?  We all know what a horrible company THAT IS.

Over the past couple of weeks I have sold not one, but FOUR handbags on Tradesy.  Chloe, Marc and dos Balenciagas all found new homes and I found decent profits with a 9% commission payout.  Stupendous!

Well... Not really.

Upon attempting to withdraw my earnings, I was informed that Tradesy would be taking an additional 2.9% as a "safe transfer fee".  BULL S-H-I-T.  One phone call later to the service department and I just saved myself an additional $56.00.  I don't pay fees.  EVER.

 Tradesy: we don't disclose hidden fees.  That's HAUTE!

Moving on...  

We all know that when everything is going fabulously, someone's bound to rain on the parade.

Time to bust out the umbrellas kids because here comes the storm!

On Friday I received an email from "Renee G." at TRADESY.  She informed me that my black Balenciaga Hobo willing be returned to me via UPS on the suspicion that the handbag is... wait for it... FAKE. 

"In addition, after our review, your bag was found to possibly be a replica item."

Errrrrrrr......

Wait, what? 

You talkin' to me?  I'm about to go "De Niro" on "Renee G."

Hell no, Renee G!  I'm offended.  REALLY offended.  I now know what it feels like to have someone call your baby ugly.  Why don't you just point out that I'm fat too while you're at it.  Ass-hat.

You talkin' to me, Tradesy?

For the record, the b-bag is NOT FAKE.  Of course it isn't.  Was there any question?  In fact, it was purchased from the CEO of Shop-Hers.  Shop-Hers is a far superior site to Tradesy.  All of the handbags on their site are from only the best luxury designers and brought in house for authentication prior to shipment.  No.  Fakes.  Ever.  And you're damn right I mentioned that in my reply to "Renee G."  Bitch.

I have since pulled all of my AUTHENTIC handbags from Tradesy and will now have to search for other resale options.

I will only buy my bags from Manhattan, TRADESY!

So, why is Tradesy questioning the authenticity of my Balenciaga?  Who the heck knows!  I'm curious to see if the buyer (with no previous purchase history on the site) changed out the bags and shipped back a fake.  It could happen.  All I'm saying is that if my bag returns to me and it's a Berenciager... Im-a-gettin-a-lawyer.  Then I'll own Tradesy.  And you can all shop for free.  You're welcome.

Is Elle Woods available to represent my case?