Ring, Ring... JONATHAN ADLER? It's D.I.Y. calling

Lately, I have A LOT of free time at the office.  With all of this down time I find myself enjoying one of my most loved hobbies... ONLINE SHOPPING.  What's not to love?  Endless options.  No salespeople, rude people, or parking-spot-stealing people to deal with.  Free shipping.  And coupon codes!  COUPON CODES!!!  It's the best.

Yesterday, I found myself on Bloomingdales.com after they enticed me with sale offerings of as much as 70% off!  Hello!  I'm there.

I've been doing some redecorating at home so I went to the SALE - HOME section first.  What do I need... KitchenAid Stand Mixer?  No.  Dyson vacuum?  Already have it.  Ikat Collection Oriental Rug, sale priced at $4,199.75?  Who needs that?  People that don't own pets, shoes, or brains for that matter.

I'm so uninspired.  I guess I don't need anything... BOO!  Oh, what's that?  That's cute...  A white ceramic smartphone holder by Jonathan Adler in the style of a rotary phone. Cheeky!  I WANT IT!  Put it in the cart!  Wait.  $60.00?!?  For what???  It doesn't even charge my phone!  I can't buy it.  I won't buy it.  Oh, but it's so cute.   

I close down the site, disappointed.  Dammit, I can totally use that phone holder!  Right now my phone just sits on my nightstand waiting for me to spill my wine water on it or drop it to the floor.  I will find this crazy cute phone holder for a cheaper price!  I frantically search eBay with no success.  I'm able to find it on other websites - even Jonathan Adler's - for a lesser amount but without a coupon code or free shipping, it still ends up at $60.00.  This is not my day.  

After work I went for cocktails dinner with my sister.  We talked about our love of obsession with Pinterest and decided it would be fun to run around the craft store with a slight buzz happy feeling.  I've been wanting to spray paint something a random color - like Veuve Yellow - for a while. The champagne's label is a very distinct color, not quite yellow not quite orange, it's lovely. 

I find two colors that are similar-ish and throw them into the cart.  Now, I just need something to paint.  I want something random, like a llama.  A brightly hued silly looking animal as a statement piece is just what I need to complete the room!

No llamas here.  Strolling a wee bit sideways through the aisles, I stumble upon the clearance section.  Is there a greater word in the English language than CLEARANCE?  I don't think so.  A mercury glass vase gets thrown into my cart.  I see ceramic owls and birds but decide to pass on those.  Just as I'm leaving the aisle I see a retro looking rotary style phone.  $9.99.  I'm in a store that has SPRAY PAINT and a VINTAGE PHONE TCHOTCHKE.  Do you see where I'm going with this???  Bingo!

I run back to the spray paint section, return the yellow-orange cans and pick up a can of white and clear gloss.  Oh... this is so on!  I also found a package of small wooden blocks and a thin piece of plywood.  Total cost, about $20.00 (and... I looked up the 40% off one item coupon on my phone, thankyouverymuch).  Time to get CRAFTY!

 

BEFORE

Let's get started... This is the part of the diy project that was a bit tricky... ASSEMBLING THE PHONE HOLDER.  I used copious amounts of glue - both GORILLA and ELMERS - to adhere the wood blocks onto the phone.  After the glue dried, tiny nails were used to secure the plywood backing onto the blocks.  Sounds super easy, right?  No.  Not. At. All.  There was a lot of trial and error, including forgetting to leave enough room between the blocks for the phone cord.  Wow, I am so not an engineer.  On the pain-in-the-ass-o-meter, it was a solid 7.4. 

READY FOR PAINTING

Good thing it's a gorgeous day for painting!  After 2 coats of white Krylon and a coat of clear gloss, I left my masterpiece to sunbathe for the day... shoo flies, the paint is sticky!  A note about spray painting: don't try to cover the object completely in paint on the first coat.  Drip, drip, drip.  That's a messy look.  I made that mistake, oops.

 FINISHED!

The original rough finish of the phone made for some not so sleek lines but overall I am pleased with the result.  It is both cute and a functional addition to my nightstand.  More importantly, over $40.00 saved (66.6% for those counting - mainly the DEVIL) enough for a few rounds of drinks or some more home decor.  Suck it, Adler!

IF ONLY THIS THING COULD ANSWER ITSELF.

THE END.

Is your PRADA is a Prado?

I was going through the glove box in my car yesterday and found an old relic.  A wallet from college that was given to me by a friend.  Simple, black, nylon, Prada.  Prada?  Wow.  Nice gift, right?  No, not exactly.  This Prada is a Prado.  I have evidence of this as the wallet's signature triangle logo is currently falling off.  Wow, not chic.  Super glue or garbage?  I'll let you guess.

I don't understand knock-off bags.  Well, I do.  The idea is to score a designer look without the designer price tag.  But, so many of them are just plain awful.  Colors, fabrication, design... wrong, wrong, wrong!  You don't feel very good about yourself when your designer label falls onto the floor as your trying to pay for your coffee.  Ooops.  That was embarrassing.    

Don't be that sad little person!

Instead of carrying a knock-off bag, why not look into more affordable options like designer / box store collaborations?  Example... Phillip Lim.  Who is Phillip Lim?  Well... he is a designer who makes exquisitely beautiful handbags that normally run just under 1K.  "How does this apply to me, Karla?  I can't afford a $1,000.00 handbag right now.  Or ever."  If you would let me finish... I was about to say - last fall Phillip Lim decided to bring fashion to the masses in the form of a collaboration with Target.  Target!  I effing love Target!  Every time I go into Target I end up leaving with way more than what I went in for.  Every. Single. Time. Food, furnishings and now fashion!  Brilliant! What Mr. Lim did was bring high style to the Target shoppers at an affordable price.  Very affordable.  You may want to sit down for this one.  His infamous Pashli handbag was redesigned a little and made of faux leather.  The price tag?  $54.99.  That is a savings of $945.01. 

The $1000.00 Pashli by Phillip Lim

 

Crazy right?  Put that in your pipe and smoke it!

The $54.99 Pashli at Target.  Amazing!

The best part of designer collaborations... The bags are not fake!  No Phillipe Lime here.  Those people who were able to score one of the hottest deals in handbag history  - they have a real bag!  No knock-off or imposter.  It's the real deal.  And what does that mean?  It means... they can SELL IT.  Yes!!!  CHA-CHING!  "But couldn't they sell a fake Phillip Lim?"  NO.  Flat out no.  Online resale is not cool with fake bags.  Try to sell a Prado and you're looking at banishment from the site, fines or possibly JAIL TIME.  Jail time?  Yes, jail time.  And I don't care what they say, orange is so not the new black.  Ew.

YELLOW CHANEL?  Don't mind if I do.

If you're a little more anti establishment, you can also try the cool ass tote bags by THURSDAY FRIDAY.  The company makes really fun tote bags with images of designer bags printed on the canvas.  So whether you're telling the lady carrying the Birkin to suck it, or you're couture crazy on a budget  - there's something for you!  Best part is, most run under $50.00 so you can get 2.  Woo-hoo!

CLICK HERE TO SHOP THURSDAY FRIDAY  
 


 

CHER and DIONNE stop by my office and Vaunte is CLUELESS

Yesterday, I returned home from work after a long day of cough, cough, coughing (I am not feeling well this week) to find a box at my door.

Want to venture to guess what was in this cardboard box that NEED NOT BE SIGNED FOR?

 

Well, look at that! 

It's my $1,500 dirty yellow Balenciaga bag that Vaunte didn't want.  You remember - the one that they claimed was "too dirty" for resale.  Mother-truckers!  Not only did they NOT RESPOND to my emails, IGNORE my request for a phone call and CANCEL my sale... they sent my beloved handbag WITHOUT A SIGNATURE REQUIREMENT! 

It doesn't happen often - especially in my neighborhood - but what if someone had picked up the box?  It was sitting on the doorstep!  All alone.  Luxury handbags do not sit on the doorstep!!! 
No wire hangers, EVER! 

Okay namaste, namaste, namaste...  Be the better person, Karla.  Go into your Vaunte account, delete all "for sale" items and unsubscribe from any future Vaunte emails.  Breathe in.  Breathe out.  There are many more options for resale... Moving on.

Speaking of BETTER resale options... EDROP-OFF. Edrop-off is an online luxury consignment destination that uses the power of eBay auctions to sell, sell, sell to the masses.  They are located in Lincoln Park and will gladly come to your home (or in this case, my office) to pick-up any unwanted designer goods that you may have lying in the back of your closet.  FABULOUS!

After deleting all of my items from the company that shall no longer be named, I decided to bring in the big guns.  Knowing that Edrop-off takes a pretty hefty commission, I was hesitant to call upon their services.  However, the infamous Chanel handbags have been in my possession for about 4 weeks with no movement.  I really need to sell them so desperate times call for slightly desperate measures.  Why is this so desperate?  I'll tell you.  Because 40% of my profit is out the door (into edrop-off's pocket) once the sale is finalized.  OUCH.  Total ouch.

Maybe they will be able to get bigger money from the masses... let's find out. 

Two women from Edrop-off showed up to my office earlier this week.  I laughed upon their arrival because they reminded me so much of Cher and Dionne from the movie Clueless.  I explained to Dionne that I had two vintage Chanel handbags and a lot of Yves Saint Laurent earrings.  Dionne handed me paperwork to sign while Cher carefully placed the earrings into plastic bags, like she was collecting evidence from a crime scene.

After a few minutes they were gone and I felt optimistic about my choice.  Cher had gleefully chimed in that she felt the earrings would sell for well over $200 a piece and the Chanel bags would go for closer to $800.  Now that I think about it, even after paying out the commission that's not a bad day's work considering that Edrop-off will handle everything.  The company will pick-up up the items then... photograph, research, authenticate, sell, ship and deal with batshit crazy customers.  Awesome! 

I wonder if they will accept a dirty yellow Balenciaga...

Karla vs. VAUNTE. Round 1.

Come on kids, GATHER ROUND!  Auntie Karla has a story to tell.  Grab your bottle of whiskey apple juice and listen up... this is a good one!

Today's story is called:
"THE DRAGONS OF VAUNTE.COM "

Let's begin...

Once upon a time there was a beautiful Princess named Karla.  (It's my story, I can name the Princess whatever I damn well please.)  The Princess loved saving her magical coins to buy designer handbags of the finest leathers.  One day, the Princess had an idea to sell one of her gloriously radiant yellow handbags to a fair maiden on the website www.vaunte.com.  The fair maiden offered enough golden coins that Fair Karla could have any handbag in the land!  It was a glorious day for the Princess.

But there was evil lurking near.  In the form of DRAGONS!  Lowlife, scum-sucking, dirt bag, greedy, liar dragons!  Oooooh...  These fire breathing creatures didn't want the fair maiden of the land to have Princess Karla's radiant yellow bag.  Noooo...     

Princess Karla didn't understand.  Her yellow handbag was made of only the finest leather.  Sure, its yellow hue was a little dirty but she told the fair shoppers of vaunte.com that it required cleaning.  Why can't the fair maiden buy the bag?  And what's worse... NO GOLD COINS for Princess Karla!  Tis a sad, sad, day in the land.  What's a Princess to do???

TO BE CONTINUED...

Please come back for my next story time circle entitled:

"Karla raises HELL with Vaunte's Quality Standards Team"  

That should be a real nail biter.

OPRAH made me do it.

A brilliant woman once said: "You can have it all, but you can't have it all at the same time."  You know who that woman was?  Me.   OPRAH

Oprah - damn, she's smart.  I guess that is how she owns the entire world became a multibillionaire.  Just the other day I was at the Starbucks drive-thru and saw that Oprah even has her own tea.  Really?  Yes, really.  The Teavana Oprah Chai Tea is supposedly less sweet than Starbucks' original Chai.  There's a joke in there somewhere and now I'm thirsty.

Why am I even talking about O?  Oh O Right, right... the quote.  

In a perfect world I would own every single Balenciaga handbag ever made, in every color, size and material (chevre and agneau leathers).  I would display the purses in glass cases where neither dust nor dog teeth would ever touch them. (My furry friends love to chew on the tassels.  Hey dog... that's about $200 in your mouth!  Let go!)

But, it's not a perfect world.  Oprah isn't my fairy Godmother and I have to sit at my day job for a very long time in order to buy just one Balenciaga handbag.  This is where my dream of owning every b-bag in the whole world ends and I go back to paying bills and living responsibly. 

LIKE HELL IT DOES!

The big O is right!  I can have it all!  Just not at one time.  I have to be creative in order to do so.  I KNOW!  I can sell my purse for a profit and then use that cash to buy another!  Wash, rinse, repeat!  Why didn't I think of this before?  Genius! 

My first thought... I'll sell it on eBay.  On second thought... No, I don't want to do that because some buyers are just really not trust worthy people.  I don't want to deal with any problems that may come up with 'authenticity' claims.  And  refunds?  Forget it!  Who knows if they will even send it back in the same condition - if at all.  No, eBay is not happening.  Not for this bag.

Consignment Store?  Eeek... their commission rate is scary.  Without dropping names - there is a super fabu consignment store out there that takes 40%  - FORTY PERCENT! - of the selling price.  That won't leave me with much to buy a new purse.  Scratch that idea.

Now that I look at it, who is going to buy my kind of newish but really slightly beat up yellow handbag?  I've only had it for a few months and it's looking really a bit dirty.  I can't clean it because the leather doesn't take well to conditioners.  Rat bastard!  Ugh, times are looking glum.

But sometimes, just for fun, I will go online and post all of the designer handbags, wallets, etc that I own for ridiculous prices.  It's a great way to waste time at work and I can see where all of my money goes in just ONE click.  It's like an online closet.  No sane minded person would EVER buy anything because they could just search for a coupon and buy it brand new, for the same price.  So you would think...

Someone BOUGHT THE YELLOW BAG!  Shut the front door!  I'm not kidding.  And the best part is... she paid almost what I paid WHEN I BOUGHT IT NEW.  Stop it!  Totally not kidding.  What the hell would posses someone to do that?  Well, I can think of a few reasons why.  Mainly, I think it's because people just don't care to shop around.  It's like really expensive impulse shopping.  Maybe Oprah is their Godmother.  Who cares! Let's go shopping...

I do not... Let's make this bigger and in bold... I do not pay retail.  That's better.  Come on people, this is the new economy!  Times are hard.  Well... not really. I'm buying designer handbags that cost more than some people's monthly mortgage payment, but I digress.  Let's be smarter about our luxury handbag purchases!  Keep some of that hard earned money for weekend dinners!

With the sunshine yellow handbag gone, where will I go to buy my next fab handbag.  EBAY.  "Wait, what?  I thought you said no eBay.  Didn't I just read no eBay?  I totally just read 'no eBay'.  I'm so confused..."  There, there.  It's okay.  I did say NO EBAY... but only when it comes to selling the handbag.  Ah...  "But what about fakes?  Aren't you scared of knock-offs?  Designer imposters?"  Nope.  It is all about who the seller is.  And that takes research, research, research.  Did you know that some of the Krap inside of the Kardashian Klosets is on eBay?  It's true.  They are.  I've never bought anything from the triple quadruple K, but sometimes I look for entertainment purposes. Mainly it's full of tacky clothes and NO, they do not wear their Sears line.  Shocking!

With some thought and research, I decided on a Balenciaga Arena Classic Pompon bag in black with Giant Silver Hardware.  It's definitely bigger than the Part Time and A LOT heavier.  But the design allows for lighter wear on the edges, (round base instead of rectangle) and the color will not show dirt.  HOO-RAY!  And the best part... it's in pristine condition and the retail value surpasses my last one (hello, resale!)  Oh, did I mention, it's USED.

Yep.  USED.  

And who cares?!?!  I just saved a boat load of money and the bag is new to me.  I love it so much that I may name it.  Drive it around in a car-seat and save for it's college tuition!  That, my friends, is the story of how Oprah became a gazillionaire.  No it isn't.  But inspiring, nonetheless.   

 

FENDI, You Can't Sit With Us!

It is hard for me to believe that one of my favorite - and funniest - movies ever, MEAN GIRLS, has been around for 10 years.  10 YEARS!  My friends and I still quote this cult classic on a near daily basis.  Oh, you're not familiar with the movie.  Boo, you whore!  Just stop reading.  Stop reading right now.  Go to your tv, log in to your Netflix account, grab some buttered popcorn ("is butter a carb?") and watch the awesome cult classic.  Now.  You can thank me later.  Grool?  Grool.  

On Wednesdays we wear pink

The world of designer handbags reminds me a bit of the cafeteria at North Shore High School.  The Plastics sit at the cool girl table.  And on Wednesdays... they wear pink.  It's not an option.  Do you remember what happened when Regina wore sweatpants on Monday? YOU CAN'T SIT WITH US!  (But these sweatpants are all that fits me right now.)  I believe the same goes for Wednesday.  No pink, sit elsewhere.  Fine.  You can walk home, bitches!

Get in loser.  We're going shopping.

I feel like the vintage Fendi handbag that I'm currently trying to resell definitely can't sit with The Plastics this Wednesday.  Or any other day, for that matter.  It's like everyday is Wednesday and she doesn't even go here, I mean own pink.  Did 1980s Fendi even make purses in the girlie-est of colors?  Fendi's closet seems to be full of brown.  Stripe on stripe brown.  Eww.  So not FETCH.

Lately, Fendi's wardrobe has evolved out of the dullest of earth tones into brighter, happier colors.  But the brand itself is still not as popular as it's classmates Chloe, Balenciaga and the QUEEN BEE... Chanel.  So, what's wrong with Fendi?  Does she smell like a baby prostitute?  Did she make out with a hotdog?  Has she recently joined the Mathletes?  I mean I even heard that Regina George, who is flawless, she has 2 Fendi purses and a silver Lexus.  So why isn't Fendi queen bee of The Plastics?  I don't get it.

Why should Caesar CHANEL just get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet?  Brutus FENDI is just as cute as Caesar CHANEL, right?  Brutus FENDI is just as smart at Caesar CHANEL, people totally like Brutus FENDI just as much as they like Caesar CHANEL, and when did it become okay for one person handbag to be the boss of everybody because that's not what Rome fashion is about!  We should totally just STAB CAESAR CHANEL!

I like Chanel and the rest of the Plastics, but maybe it's time to breathe new life into older classics, like Fendi.  Chanel's response to my blog: I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me but I can't help it that I'm popular.

The lazy bird gets HERMES

I am having the BEST. WEEK. EVER.

This afternoon I managed to sell the Chanel and Karl Lagerfeld earrings on eBay.  They are "on loan" from the Chanel purse lady.  You know, the one I mentioned in my latest blog (if not, shame on you for not reading yesterday's post. SHAME!)  I even got more than my reserve.  HOO-RAY!

I don't have much else planned for my Saturday.  Laundry and errands.  These are not the things great blogs are made of.  I need to get out of the house.  Where should I go?  Oooh, I know!  I will take Mom to the estate sale that she emailed me about earlier this week.  It's in Highland Park (cha-ching) - home of Ravinia Festival, the oldest outdoor music festival in the United States.  The very wealthy people of Highland Park (HP as I will call it from now on) like to enjoy a picnic on the lawn as they listen to the crooning sounds of James Taylor.  HP is also the home of a tea house belonging to Billy Corgan.  Yes, THAT Billy Corgan - of Smashing Pumpkins fame.  I wonder if he gets to play at Ravinia? Oh, he does?  On August 30th?  Great!  Guess who will be there with 7 of her closest friends.

The estate sale starts at some absurd time, like 8:30 am.  Who the hell is waking up that early to go shopping?  (Well... I've been up at 2:00 am before to go shopping.  So I guess 8:30 am isn't obscene.)  Still, I'm not eager to wake up that early on a Saturday morning to bury through sock drawers for treasure.

We stop for coffee first.  It is after 12:00 pm when we walk through the doors.  Nice place, it has a little bit of a 'Brady Bunch' feel but it's in HP so I'm optimistic that we will find good stuff.  Here's something that I never understand:  Why must we take our shoes off at the door?  It's not even carpeted.  RELAX!

I always run to the bedroom first at an estate sale.  Purses, coats, clothing... that's where all of the good stuff lives.  A quick glance around the room and nothing catches my eye.  DARN!  Into the closet I go.  I'm not looking for anything in particular - just designer labels.  Come on closet!  Give me something to work with!  NOTHING.  Double DARN.  Just as I'm about to leave for the next room I see a fabulous coat of white.  Ivory actually.  With a fur collar.  "WOW!  Isn't that chic?"  A woman standing near me comments on it as well, "Very chic."  She smiles.  I smile.  And then I LUNGE FOR THE COAT!  "MINE!"  I don't try it on.  I run out the door as quickly as possible.  Mwah. Ah. Ah. Bitch.  It's a cruel, cruel world out there kids.  Survival of the fittest and sneakiest.  Better to learn now from your Auntie Karla.

All of the other rooms upstairs are closed off.  That's okay, I don't need to go through your medicine cabinet -  I have my own happy pills.  Back downstairs I go.

The main floor of the house is a sea of fine China, stemware and art work.  BORED!  I see what I think may possibly be an Hermes ashtray. (Yes, those exist.  They are expensive.  And I want one!)  "Made in China" FUCK.

Where is all of the good stuff?  I glance to see the woman from upstairs.  Is she stalking me? Waiting for me to put the coat down?  Not a chance in hell bitch!  You had better go elsewhere before I start a North Shore catfight!  I'm a competitive shopper.

I give up.  I look at the price of the coat.  $45.00  The coat isn't my size but maybe I can sell it on eBay.  I walk towards the register.  There's a line.  An older gentleman is haggling the price of a $400.00 vase.  Just pay and get out geezer!  I see a bin with some jewelry in plastic bags.  JUNK. JUNK. MORE JUNK.  Wow, this estate sale is no bueno.  I see another bin.  What's in this one?  I pick up a scarf.  "Art Institute of Chicago" is painted on the scarf.  I'll pass.  I'm not into wearing scarves of this silky square nature.  Maybe when I'm 80.  There is another scarf in the bin.  Why am I even picking this one up?

Well this scarf feels nice.  Silky.  Look at all of the pretty colors.  It's like art.  Holy shiii...

...

...

...

"HERMES PARIS"

STFU!  I look at the price.  $250.00 Wow.  That's a lot.  But it's worth it.  I am shaking with delight.  I practically throw my credit card at the woman.  "Your total is $145.00"  Huh?  I'm confused.  My look prompted the woman to say "After 12:00 pm everything is half off."  OH. MY. GOD.  I will have a heart attack and die right here!  In the Brady Bunch house.  Don't mess with me lady!  But it's true.  $22.00 for the coat.  $123.00 for the scarf. I grab my receipt and bolt out the door.  I feel like I just stole Hermes.  And I did!  $123.00 for this silky sweet French piece of pure artistry... it's insanity.

So, the question now is: Do I keep the scarf?  Frame it like the masterpiece that it truly is?  Or do I sell it for what should be a pretty nice profit?  We all know the answer to that question.

CLICK HERE TO BUY MY HERMES SCARF!

To sell (or not to sell) CHANEL?

Brought to you by someecards.

someecards: when you care enough to hit send. http://www.someecards.com/

(No it isn't.  But I'm trying REALLY hard for a sponsor here!!!)

Last week I celebrated my 33rd birthday.  It was suggested that I take the day off and spend it with good friends.  For Angel's birthday last August we called in sick from work and ran a muck in the city.  Manicures and pedicures in the West Loop.  Rooftop drinks at Top Chef winner, Stephanie Izard's trendy restaurant Little Goat.  Dinner at the very chic, food meets science experiment, iNG (iNG stands for imagining new gastronomy.)  It was the best way to spend a Wednesday!  I want a mid week birthday extravaganza too, dammit!  But alas, that did not happen. I spent my 33rd birthday like every other day... at work.  Le sigh.

The next day, feeling underwhelmed and saddened by the lack of birthday festivities, I wondered: Is this what it is going to be like from now on?  No fun celebrations?  Just office work and "happy bday" Facebook messages?  Well that SUCKS!  I needed some ice cream.  As I was halfheartedly enjoying my sea salt caramel gelato, my Mother walked into the room with a Whole Foods shopping bag. "I have a present for you!!!" she said.  "What's that, a kosher/organic/gluten-free/non-dairy/free range whole chicken?"  I thought.  Just give me the bag. 

Oh my.  Are you kidding me?  This can't be real!  I put down my spoon and move my bowl of gelato far away from the bag.  Inside of the colorful reusable grocery tote lies the greatest gift a woman of 33 could ask for... VINTAGE CHANEL PURSES. VINTAGE. CHANEL. PURSES!!!!!!!
Ohmygod.Ohmygod.Ohmygod.Ohmygod.Ohmygod.Ohmygod.Ohmygod.Ohmygod!!! 

I feel like I've just won the lottery.  I don't even have a speech prepared.  "What? Where? How on Earth?"  I exclaimed!  Mi Mama explains that the bag of designer goodies isn't a gift but on loan.  Her friend would like for me to wear sell them.  I drown out the sound of my Mother's voice as I listened to the call of Chanel.  It whispers to me... "Hello gorgeous!"  I smile and think "which one of you beauties am I going to wear to dinner tomorrow night?" Looks like my birthday came a day late this year!  

I'm on a high, a Chanel high.  I realize that I've been given the holy grail of fashion.  Do I have to sell them?  Can't I just keep them for myself and we will live fabulously ever after?  Fine. Fine.  I will sell them.  But for how much? 

I decide to call the owner of these splendid pieces of leather artistry to ask how much she wanted back (and more importantly, what's my cut?!?!)  We talk on the speaker phone as I'm driving into work... "Well, you know hun, they're kind of old so do what you can.  $200 a purse is good."  I avoid slamming my car into on coming traffic.  ARE YOU BLEEPING SERIOUS????  For $200 a bag, I will buy them!  All of them!  Cash out my stocks and own every single one of these vintage masterpieces.  This can't be happening!

Maybe cashing out my stocks isn't the best idea.  I can't live inside of my Chanel bag, after all.  I will sell them.  But not for $200.00, that's just robbery! 

Please click on the link below to visit one of my favorite shopping websites, VAUNTE,  if you or anyone you know is interested in owning a hautey piece of heaven. 

May the most fashionable woman win!  Ciao! Ciao! Ciao!

My VAUNTE closet

Fashion and Cheesecake

During my recent stay in the Big Apple, I went on a quest for all things delicious in this great city - mainly fashion and cheesecake.

I knew that walking through SOHO would be a fabulous way to spend the afternoon.  But let's be realist, why walk when I can sit VIP on the SEX AND THE CITY TOUR BUS. Best $60 I've ever spent!

CLICK HERE to book your own Sex and the City Hotspots Tour 

We watched fun clips from the show while the tour guide pointed out the exact New York landmarks where the scenes were filmed. (Yeah, yeah that's cool. When do I get to go shopping?) I won't bore you with my pictures from the street because we'll be here all day and frankly I'm not too great at taking pictures from the inside of a bus. Netflix has SATC - I'm sure - HELLO SPONSOR! (This post brought to you by Netflix.)

An hour of ooohs and ahhhs through the streets of Manhattan later,  our guide informed us that we would be getting off of the bus soon... to go... SHOPPING. HOORAY!!! Our bus stopped on Bleecker Street – a very chic, tree lined oasis filled with the boutiques of Marc Jacobs, Ralph Lauren, Toosh, James Perse, Brunello Cucinelli, Fresh, Lulu Guinness, Creed, Mulberry, Olive and Bette, and so many more. Had I died? Is this Heaven? What's that? We only have 25 minutes to shop? Get out of my way!!!

After doing significant damage on my  MASTERCARD (priceless!) I met up with the group who were sitting in a lovely little park. The tour guide greeted us with cupcakes featured on the show. Really? Is this happening? It's a gorgeous spring day. I've just been let loose in a Marc Jacobs store on boutique alley in GREENWICH VILLAGE and now I'm smooshing my face into this delicious sugary frosted delight! Stop it!  Where's my dream man on a flying unicorn?  He has got to be around here somewhere!

My purchase from Marc Jacobs Collection: The Cabochons Long Flat Pouchette in Navy $375.00 Made from luxurious calf leather, this zip-top closure wallet is equipped with everything to satisfy your storage needs. Inspired by the Victorian Era, the embellishment on this bag is one of Marc's personal favorites. Each stud is hand applied and secured with hidden rivets for a finishing touch. Complete with eight stunning studs on the face of the pouch as well as an interior slip pocket and leather pull tab.  (I had to get a gloss and polish to complete the look!)

Back onto the bus! It appears that we have lost a couple of people to shopping casualty.  But that was to be expected.  As the bus left Bleecker Street I could hear them in the distance... "Go on! Go on without us!" And so we did. They would have wanted it this way. And off we went.  Who's thirsty?!?!

What is a trip to NYC without a Cosmopolitan?  Back home I wouldn't be caught dead ordering one of these fruity "I can't drink whiskey" cocktails! But it's girl time! Let's go have some pink martinis!!! Wooooo!!! 2 drinks later and I feel awesome.  Let's pick up some men! Oh wait, what's that? The tour isn't over? Dammit. Okay, onto the bus we go. Watch your step...

Luckily for me, the tour ended not too far from my hotel. Who wants to walk back carrying all of these shopping bags???  As I turn the corner onto 45th I see what I've been looking for all my life. It's so much bigger in person! Is it? It can't be? A NEW YORK CITY FOOD TRUCK WITH ICE CREAM!!! AHHHHH!!! Run run run! Don't you dare drive off before I get there! Damn these shoes!!! 80 calories of pure delight. (Minus the 500 calories of dark chocolate and almonds.) Walking the half block to my hotel, I'm content. Ice cream in one hand, designer fashion in the other. Life is good.

 

A quick siesta later and I'm ready for the theatre! Last night we went big on Broadway.  Tonight, it's a musical comedy off Broadway. This could be very good or very bad - either way let's have some drinks first!

We stopped at a BBQ place on 9th called Southern Hospitality.  Wood planked walls featuring Johnny Cash quotes and twang on the radio,  nice touch. What am I in the mood for? Ribs? Chicken? Waffles with Chicken? It all sounds so fattening but so delish!  I ended up with a sandwich.  BORED!  NO! No, it was not! This sandwich was the epitome of all food porn sandwiches. Beefy and cheesy and spicy and hot and wet... stop it! Good coleslaw too!  Don't ask me what it was called. I didn't ask for its name.  We had a great time and I'll leave it at that.  Maybe I'll call them up the next time I'm in the city. Or maybe I'll go for a salad. It's too soon to tell.

After the show - HEATHERS: THE MUSICAL - which was HILARIOUS! - I wanted cake... but not just any cake, mother bleepin cheesecake! And I knew exactly where to go. JUNIORS.  This place is famous for their cheesecake. Like crazy famous. How happy was I that it was within short waking distance? Very.  Wow, there are so many to choose from! Devil's food. Carrot cake. Red Velvet. Chocolate.  Blueberry... All in the form of cheesecake!  Do I stay traditional and order the original?  Or do I say to hell with it and go Devil's food? I decided on the cherry cheesecake. With no late night cocktail!  I want to be completely sober while I enjoy this.  The cheesecake arrives.  A single slice of modest portion. Fluffy cream cheese center atop of graham cracker crust with ooohy gooey cherry topping.  It's beautiful.   Where's my fork? Oh dear lord Jesus, what am I eating?  This cake is not dense or dry. It is the exact opposite of any cheesecake I've ever known. This is pillowy and creamy and not overly sweet.  If I thought it would survive the flight home, I would put several in my suitcase.  Souvenirs for everyone! In my best Oprah voice: NEW YORK CITY CHEESECAKE!!!!!! And you get a cheesecake... and you get a cheesecake... and you get a cheesecake!!!!

My night concluded on top of the world. Well, almost. The rooftop bar at the hotel was still open - so why not pop in for some bubbles?  This being New York and all, I decided to go big. One drink. That's all. And that drink... DOM PERIGNON. 

Now for my shameless plea to the makers of Dom Perignon...

Dear super schmancy bubbly beverage makers, 

I'm in love. But, unfortunately I don't date DONALD TRUMP.  So, how about we strike a deal? I will hold a bottle of this exquisite champagne in every picture from now until I die.  I'm your girl!  I'll wear t-shirts, headbands, sweatpants, nipple stickers (too far?) - all with your logo - just let me drink your champagne regularly.  For free.  I will give up water, juice, triple grande soy lattes... just to drink Dom exclusively.  I'm not sure that I can live without it but I don't want to start robbing liquor stores.  Just think about it. 

Signed,  

K FANTASTIC 
XOXO