The lazy bird gets HERMES

I am having the BEST. WEEK. EVER.

This afternoon I managed to sell the Chanel and Karl Lagerfeld earrings on eBay.  They are "on loan" from the Chanel purse lady.  You know, the one I mentioned in my latest blog (if not, shame on you for not reading yesterday's post. SHAME!)  I even got more than my reserve.  HOO-RAY!

I don't have much else planned for my Saturday.  Laundry and errands.  These are not the things great blogs are made of.  I need to get out of the house.  Where should I go?  Oooh, I know!  I will take Mom to the estate sale that she emailed me about earlier this week.  It's in Highland Park (cha-ching) - home of Ravinia Festival, the oldest outdoor music festival in the United States.  The very wealthy people of Highland Park (HP as I will call it from now on) like to enjoy a picnic on the lawn as they listen to the crooning sounds of James Taylor.  HP is also the home of a tea house belonging to Billy Corgan.  Yes, THAT Billy Corgan - of Smashing Pumpkins fame.  I wonder if he gets to play at Ravinia? Oh, he does?  On August 30th?  Great!  Guess who will be there with 7 of her closest friends.

The estate sale starts at some absurd time, like 8:30 am.  Who the hell is waking up that early to go shopping?  (Well... I've been up at 2:00 am before to go shopping.  So I guess 8:30 am isn't obscene.)  Still, I'm not eager to wake up that early on a Saturday morning to bury through sock drawers for treasure.

We stop for coffee first.  It is after 12:00 pm when we walk through the doors.  Nice place, it has a little bit of a 'Brady Bunch' feel but it's in HP so I'm optimistic that we will find good stuff.  Here's something that I never understand:  Why must we take our shoes off at the door?  It's not even carpeted.  RELAX!

I always run to the bedroom first at an estate sale.  Purses, coats, clothing... that's where all of the good stuff lives.  A quick glance around the room and nothing catches my eye.  DARN!  Into the closet I go.  I'm not looking for anything in particular - just designer labels.  Come on closet!  Give me something to work with!  NOTHING.  Double DARN.  Just as I'm about to leave for the next room I see a fabulous coat of white.  Ivory actually.  With a fur collar.  "WOW!  Isn't that chic?"  A woman standing near me comments on it as well, "Very chic."  She smiles.  I smile.  And then I LUNGE FOR THE COAT!  "MINE!"  I don't try it on.  I run out the door as quickly as possible.  Mwah. Ah. Ah. Bitch.  It's a cruel, cruel world out there kids.  Survival of the fittest and sneakiest.  Better to learn now from your Auntie Karla.

All of the other rooms upstairs are closed off.  That's okay, I don't need to go through your medicine cabinet -  I have my own happy pills.  Back downstairs I go.

The main floor of the house is a sea of fine China, stemware and art work.  BORED!  I see what I think may possibly be an Hermes ashtray. (Yes, those exist.  They are expensive.  And I want one!)  "Made in China" FUCK.

Where is all of the good stuff?  I glance to see the woman from upstairs.  Is she stalking me? Waiting for me to put the coat down?  Not a chance in hell bitch!  You had better go elsewhere before I start a North Shore catfight!  I'm a competitive shopper.

I give up.  I look at the price of the coat.  $45.00  The coat isn't my size but maybe I can sell it on eBay.  I walk towards the register.  There's a line.  An older gentleman is haggling the price of a $400.00 vase.  Just pay and get out geezer!  I see a bin with some jewelry in plastic bags.  JUNK. JUNK. MORE JUNK.  Wow, this estate sale is no bueno.  I see another bin.  What's in this one?  I pick up a scarf.  "Art Institute of Chicago" is painted on the scarf.  I'll pass.  I'm not into wearing scarves of this silky square nature.  Maybe when I'm 80.  There is another scarf in the bin.  Why am I even picking this one up?

Well this scarf feels nice.  Silky.  Look at all of the pretty colors.  It's like art.  Holy shiii...

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"HERMES PARIS"

STFU!  I look at the price.  $250.00 Wow.  That's a lot.  But it's worth it.  I am shaking with delight.  I practically throw my credit card at the woman.  "Your total is $145.00"  Huh?  I'm confused.  My look prompted the woman to say "After 12:00 pm everything is half off."  OH. MY. GOD.  I will have a heart attack and die right here!  In the Brady Bunch house.  Don't mess with me lady!  But it's true.  $22.00 for the coat.  $123.00 for the scarf. I grab my receipt and bolt out the door.  I feel like I just stole Hermes.  And I did!  $123.00 for this silky sweet French piece of pure artistry... it's insanity.

So, the question now is: Do I keep the scarf?  Frame it like the masterpiece that it truly is?  Or do I sell it for what should be a pretty nice profit?  We all know the answer to that question.

CLICK HERE TO BUY MY HERMES SCARF!